What's your 'muchness'?
In my mid-twenties, I had a significant relationship with a smart, charming, sweet-talking man who often made me feel like the center of the universe.
The rest of the time, he subtly and not so subtly criticized everything I did, from how I held my fork to the loudness of my laugh.
The unpredictability of the criticism created a coping mechanism that kept me feeling small and blaming myself for everything, thinking I needed to change almost everything about myself.
I wish I could say getting out of that relationship freed me from those unhealthy thoughts. But instead, they stayed with me and reverberated into all my platonic relationships.
Almost a decade later, I found myself in a business relationship that mirrored that harmful romantic relationship (and others).
One minute, I thought we were besties, and the next, she would make it clear that I needed to change my shoes, handbags, and body shape if I ever wanted to succeed.
And because of all the damage from past romantic relationships, I believed her.
Until I didn't.
With the help of my own life coach, I started by acting as if I had as much worth as her by setting boundaries and speaking up for myself even though I was terrified to do both!
What I didn’t know was that breaking free of that platonic relationship was the key to fully believing my worth, accepting all my muchness (including my infectious laugh), and also never having to be in a shitty romantic relationship again––win-win.
Jaclyn McCabe
Author