Happy Carnival Y'all!
If you've been around a while, you already know it's my favorite time of year. Glitter, feathers, and music waft through the air, making the city's more dysfunctional parts seem dim by comparison.
You may have noticed I'm having a quieter season than in years past. I've been half-jokingly blaming it on Pluto digging around in my seventh house of relationships because this carnival season is showing me that I've reached a deeper level of letting go of what others think of me.
I've stopped people pleasing, declined invites to events that tend to drain me, and dropped krewes that no longer fit this version of myself.
I've spent significant time embracing the things that fill me up, like creating costumes and whatnots in my studio. And the few times I've put my glue gun down to join in the festivities, I've found myself dancing behind a brass band, only to realize I've completely lost my friends.
This morning, an old friend posted a picture from Mardi Gras Day roughly seventeen years ago. The Krewe had a circus theme that year. I couldn't image being anything other than part of the freak show, so I went as a bearded lady. In the photo, I'm hunkered down, hiding behind a gaggle of women at least a foot shorter than me. You can all but see my face. I may have been smiling, but I was the opposite of confident. I didn't know who I was, and I certainly didn't like myself.
I had yet to embrace all my bits––especially my creative ones––and hadn't learned that my "muchness" was my greatest gift.
Back then, I would have never let myself dance alone like no one was watching. All I knew was crippling insecurity and consequently missed out on so many fun and magical moments all around me.
While I never know exactly what Fat Tuesday will bring, I do know that I like myself enough to take up space and trust myself enough to do whatever I damn well please, so a little Mardi Gras magic is bound to find me. ♡ Jaclyn