We can stop trying to fix ourselves already.

by Jaclyn McCabe August 17, 2023

 

Most of my clients come to me because they want to feel good in the skin that they are in. They are convinced they are inherently too much and not enough, so they must fix something (or everything) about themselves to like themselves. 

As we start to do the work, what's really happening is that they have a pattern of emotionally abusive relationships that keep them thinking there is something wrong with them. 

Past relationships with toxic romantic partners can reverberate into our current platonic relationships and do rather tricky things to the way we see ourselves. That's because one of the side effects of unhealthy relationships leaves us blaming ourselves for everything that went wrong. 

Our hurt parts create hella creative coping mechanisms so we won't get hurt again. The problem with those creative protections is that it convinces us we did something wrong and that we must change something about ourselves in order to be deserving of love. 

This can show up as comments from a past lover rumbling around in our brain and masquerading as truth. Or it can be our hurt parts unskillfully protecting us from further hurt by telling us to change this or that about ourselves. Most likely, it's both, and it is always the part that doesn't like what it sees when we look in the mirror. 

But when my clients start implementing new savvy skills, they suddenly begin to like themselves. And they start to look in the mirror with grace, love, respect, and understanding. 

And from that place of deep self-acceptance, you can build and sustain healthy relationships (platonic and otherwise) so you can create a happy life. 

If this pattern resonates with you, sign up for a complimentary Total Self-Acceptance Session today. It’s a safe space to uncover your creative coping mechanism and make a plan to let go of the things that are holding you back.

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